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  • Sophia E. Aguiñaga

Consent

[Warning: Extremely vulnerable post that may be triggering.]


In my wildest dreams, men and dominant cultures stop obsessively and disproportionately sexualizing the adult human form, with an even more disproportionate emphasis on the adult female human form.


In my wildest dreams, women, men, and every other identity regain innocence enough to understand that sex is merely one facet of nature and a fairly unremarkable one in comparison to our infinite capacity for contribution to this world.


In my wildest dreams, the gaze on the human form is widened to its true essence - nature simply existing as itself. Neutrally, incredibly, innocently, creatively, wildly.


In my wildest dreams, I would be able to express my own form freely, without being misunderstood as promiscuous, without commentary about how my body may relate to someone else's version of sexuality, without being outright violated. Without being subject to the perverse, narcissistic projections of another's limited understanding of nature and the human form's relation to it.


In my wildest dreams, the world would see my own and all other bodies as astonishing mechanisms carrying the weight of connecting subtle energy to the material world, that the universe may interact with itself and experience transformation. To be revered, respected, valued for the myriad functions it serves, like magically keeping us alive and channeling cognition, rather than valued on how sexually desirable it may be in comparison to cultural or personal constructs.


Fuck this shit. I'm tired of paying the tax for people who choose to advance their egoic and material investments in infantile beliefs and behaviors. Grow up.


The most fucked up part about consent being taken away from you is that you have no say, so regardless of what you want, someone else gets what they want - completely at your expense.


You’re the only one who pays, and you pay until the event no longer holds power in your heart and mind. This may last 5 minutes, months, years... it may last forever. And you can never change that you paid. So, no matter how quickly or slowly you regain your power, you simultaneously pay forever by living with the fact that you had to pay at all.


Do you understand? Taking away someone’s right to choose — for their body, for their heart, their mind, no matter how mundane or grand the choice — is a permanent, perpetually compounding deficit to that person.


Not that I assume you would, because you’re kinder, gentler, more considerate and patient than that... but in case it’s ever crossed your mind, never take away someone’s consent or agency. Ever. In case you know someone else who might, share this with them.


If your own consent has ever been taken away, #metoo. And I’m sorry for your loss. I believe, collectively, we more than make up for the deficit we’ve unwillingly paid. I believe it is possible to transmute that deficit into compassion and understanding, eventually an abundance to offer to others. I’m sorry you ever had to do this work, but grateful for and proud of you.


Exhale.


So, if it isn't wildly obvious, I'm processing a really fucked up experience from the other night, where my consent was taken away from me. I'm safe and physically fine, but I'm mentally and emotionally hurting right now and I still have a month to go on my journey. It will pass, but it's present and so must I be.


I appreciate you listening as I do what I always do to process... write and share. If you have thoughts, experiences, feelings you'd like to share, I welcome them. I'm not interested in sharing details at this moment, I'm also not looking for advice, nor am I open to reactions. I realize this can be a triggering topic, so if you're unable to apply calm, care, and support to the situation and refrain from projection, it is best for me that you not directly engage.


With love and immense gratitude.♥️


[I'm sharing this, in part, because the discomfort of being made to feel ashamed for things like this happening to women is more uncomfortable than the immense vulnerability of sharing it. Also, in part, because I refuse to contribute to a culture which shames women into silence. I personally hold that normalizing the process of sharing and supporting each other when things like this happen will lead to greater healing for us all, including aggressors.]

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