(the pain of a mother's promise)
The sun is going down
From bright noon brilliance
To retiring 3pm light
Met here, met now
By the 7pm night
And you
Are still
Not here
And I wait
And I wait
And I ache
Where are you
When I
Am here
Where are you
When I
Am here
This curbside is so lonely
And my backpack carries lead
You could have chosen me
But you chose yourself instead
And you used that word
Like blasphemy
You love me
You love me
You love me
Like you love a mule
Stationed to carry you
And the weight
You couldn't carry alone
You birthed me solely
To distribute your load
And I couldn't yet speak
So I couldn't say no
So the moment my lungs
First stung with new air
I was in debt
And yet
You wanted my thanks
You wanted my thanks
You wanted my thanks
Like an expiring celebrity
You called me ungrateful
For not worshipping your womb
And the life in me
But I never asked
I never asked
I never asked
You did
And now
I'm here
And I waited
And I waited
And I waited
For you to choose me
Over your tired, drawn shades
Over your pain
Over your endless black nights
That permeated your days
And also mine
And I ached
As you choked
Again and again
And again
Where are you
When I
Am here
I am here
I am here
I am here
The sun is going down
And you chose not
To choose me
Ever
You carried me in your womb
But I carried
The responsibility
I carried
Your weight and your fear and
your incapacity and your deficit
Alone
Just as you intended
(the pain of a mother's promise)